Can chemistry grow over time in a relationship?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 20,919
    Dating and relationship coach Toni Coleman discusses how to know if your relationship has keeper chemistry, including how chemistry can grow over the course of a relationship.

    Speaker: Can chemistry grow over time in a relationship?

    Toni Coleman: Yes, chemistry can absolutely grow over time in a relationship and it usually does. When we first meet, the first stage of a relationship is always about physical attraction, is that PEA, which is a chemical that we release, that gives us that dizzying feeling and then the PEA creates a chemistry called dopamine that gives us that wanting to sort of connect and cuddle and be physically connected.

    So at the beginning of a relationship, there is just artiness, sparks are flying and the chemicals are pulsing through the veins and yet there isn't really a knowing of each other or comfort level with each other or that friendship or that spiritual affinity, those are the things that grow over time and the sexual peace doesn't -- as people often think, it doesn't stop being. It kind of changes form; there is more of dopamine that creates that wanting to be close, that connecting with each other, that affection, and less of the intense emotion that can never be sustained.

    Then what happens as you get into that more intimate part of the relationship is that you share more, you become more open with each other, you are able to be more vulnerable with one another and then that kind of goes into really being able to kind explore the world together, balance ideas of each other, find new interest together and that's the intellectual peace.

    All of those things should and do grow over time and it's a red flag if they don't.