Do you understand your partner’s personality traits, values and characteristics?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 11,768
    Relationship expert Gloria MacDonald discusses her relationship flight school, including whether or not you really understand your partner’s personality traits, values, and characteristics.

    Host: Do you understand your partner's personality traits, values and characteristics? Gloria MacDonald: So, we just talked about understanding your partner in terms of their love language, but there is a whole another aspect to this also and that is really, understanding their personality traits, their characteristics, some of those built-in values. I have talked a lot about this in another section on dating on how do you know if you have found the right one? So, you can go there to really understand more about each one of these traits, but they are really important because for example, let's say my husband is always early. Well, that can be really frustrating because he can always be nagging at me because I am not there early instead of on time.

    Now, if I understand him and understand that one of his traits is that he is low on flexibility, that he is very punctual and it's really important him to be punctual and he has got schedules and he has got order in his life and having order in his life is really important then instead if allowing something like that to bother me and nag at me and irritate me and create problems, the more I have that visibility into the instrument panel and understand how he is wired, the more I can just let that go and say, "Okay, I can accept that.

    " You know what he is not right, he is not wrong, it's not better, it's not worse, it's just different and so much about this learning to read your partner and understanding them is understanding that they are different. Again, it's not that one person is right or wrong or good or bad or better or worse, it's just that we are all wired differently. So, just to give you a sense of these 12 qualities, attributes, personality traits.

    The first one is introversion versus extroversion. Some of us are just extroverts and other people are introverts and it's important to know that about your partner where are they and this is a lot about how they are actually going to communicate to you. The introvert is not going to be as expressive as the extrovert is.

    The second thing is connection. So, people at different levels need to spend time with people and really connect with people. Some people are more loners. Some people get all their energy from being with another person. So, again, know your partner, understand what your partner is and that way you will understand why they do certain things they do. It makes life so much easier.

    The next thing is flexibility. Some people are highly, highly spontaneous other people are really planners and again, the more you understand your partner the easier it will make life. The next thing is parenting. People have very different views on parenting and whether you are ever going to have children in your lives or not, this will always have an impact just on how you live life because whether you are going to have children or not, you will definitely be in situations. It might be in a restaurant where there are other children around. Some people think children are meant to be seen and not heard and other people think children should just be let loosened, be able to express themselves. So, it's important to know where your partner is on that.

    The next trait is optimism versus realism and this one is really, really important because it goes to how you view everything in life. Does one person see the world totally with rose colored glasses and the glass is always half full or absolutely overflowing and the other person is much more realistic in maybe even pessimistic because there are those people who are pessimist. So, again, the more you understand your partner and why they are reacting the way they are reacting to something or why they do something, the more you could be accepting of the differences between the two of you.

    The next thing is action orientation. Some people just have a very, very, very high energy level and need lots of action in their lives. Other people have a lower energy level and they absolutely need downtime. So, again, the more you understand where your partner is on that. The more you can support them in whatever their needs are. The next trait is care giving and it's really about how you would care maybe for aging parents or a sick child or even an ailing pet. It's about nurturing. Some people have widely differing views on this and this one causes huge amounts of friction. Should an aging parent live with you or should they be in a nursing home? So, it's important to understand where your partner is on that.

    The next trait is the value around arts and beauty. Some people really have a sense of inspiration and they need to be around beautiful things. They get inspired, they get revitalized by seeing color and design and beauty around them and other people really are very low on it and they are almost immune to it if you will. So, again, it's really important to understand your partner's value around that. The next thing is intellectualism. So, for example, does your partner spend all their time reading? Do they love to do research and are they fascinated by facts and figures and history and constant learning or are they more of a people person and they really want to spend all their time just chatting and socializing and things like that? Again, this is a value and there is no right, there is no wrong, there is no good, there is no bad, there is no better or worse. We are just different.

    Another trait is expressiveness and it really has to do with how much does a person express their feelings and emotions outwardly, are they going to talk about them, are they are going to show their feelings? Some people believe that feelings are not to be shared with other people, that they are private and they should be kept to yourself and other people feel like they have got to let everything out, that's the only way they could possibly live is to let everything out and to be really communicating and expressing with their partner.

    So again, one isn't right and one isn't wrong. They are just different and if you don't understand how your partner is wired then you might not understand if they are not expressing their feelings, if they are not constantly saying 'I love you' and expressing all kinds of emotion and those kinds of things. It might just not be the way they are wired. It doesn't mean that they don't love you. It doesn't mean they don't care. It doesn't mean they don't have deep feelings. It just means that's not the way they communicate.

    Another trait I call money matters and it really has to do with is one person the saver and the other person is spender. Does one person have a financial plan and has their retirement planned out by the time they are 30 years old and the other person is just, "Well, you can't take it with you, so you might as well spend it now.

    " We all know that money can cause huge friction in relationships. So, the more you know what's your partner's wiring is around money and the more you understand that they may or may not be different from you. You will have a heads up going into the relationship around what may cause you friction and hopefully, you will be able to deal with it better.

    The last trait I call sensuality and it really has to do with different levels of libido, how much someone needs physical touch in their life versus someone else feeling like you might be invading their space. Someone might be really cuddly, touchy, feely and the other person might need to have more well space. They might need to be lower on that. Again, it doesn't mean that the person who is lower on the touchy, feely or the sensuality it doesn't mean that they don't love you. It just means they have a different way of expressing it. So, with all of these characteristics, values, traits the more you can really begin to know your partner and know where they are hopefully, you will then be able to understand them because what we are talking about here with flying in low visibility.

    Low visibility is when you don't understand your partner. You might say, "Oh, yes. Well, I can predict that they are going to do this and that and I can predict that they are going to get angry or upset at this.

    " Well, fine. You know them, but do you understand them? When you can truly read the instrument panel, when you know their traits, you know their values, you know their personality, you know their love language then you begin to really understand them and then you can read the instrument panel and you can fly through those low visibility times in your relationships when you do have different points of views on things and when you don't agree on how to spend money or whatever it might be. Maybe you don't agree on how you should deal with an ageing parent but if you can understand where your partner is coming from, how they are wired you will be able to fly through those low visibility times.