If I don’t know what my partner is upset about how can I validate it?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 8,743
    Chris Wright talks about being upset.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: If I do not know what my partner is upset about, how can I validate it?

    Chris Wright: You are right, not many people would understand, what is bothering you? Why would your partner be upset? To be able to even validated it and so, but now that we understand that these are different operating systems and they are very coherent, very clear, easy to grasp. Now, it makes sense, why you would be upset. As you become more familiar with the Enneagram Personality System, you are going to see that all roads in a conflict lead to Rome.

    That H.

    F.

    S has a certain number of core areas in our personality; areas which were highly fragile because we are not connected to ourself in those areas and so they are very insecure, very sensitive areas. Whenever those areas are triggered, a lot of tension is going to come up.

    The Enneagram identifies them very clearly. So, once you know your type and your wings and your lines; the influences, those are the ones that are going to rattle you; those are the ones who are going to create conflict. So, now that I know, for example; let us say that my wife is a one perfectionist with alined to four, need to be special, need to feel important. That is really great for me because it makes it easy for me; every time she is upset, I understand why she is upset, I get it.

    So, it makes all the deference to have an awareness of what these items, these areas that are sensitive in the relationship. There maybe other areas that are beyond the Enneagram that you are upset, uncomfortable about money or uncomfortable about certain areas fine, we can expand to incorporate what those areas are, so that I am always in a position to be able to understand instead of criticize. To be able work through it together as a team in a way that is honoring of these pressures, after all I have my pressures too.

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