What do we do after we become aware of this chemistry?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 14,167
    Relationship expert Gloria MacDonald discusses what to do after becoming aware of chemistry in your relationship.

    Gloria MacDonald

    Gloria MacDonald is the founder and President of Perfect Partners, The Personal Relationship Executive Search Firm, a highly successful, personalized matchmaking service. Gloria has interviewed hundreds and hundreds of single men and women and has introduced over 1500 couples. She is an expert in the field of dating and relationships, having appeared on a variety of TV and radio shows. She’s the co-author of the highly acclaimed book Laws of the Jungle: Dating for Women Over 40. She believes, and has seen through her work, that there is a perfect partner for anyone of us who truly desires to find that relationship, believes they can have it, and are willing to accept it. Gloria is an engaging and dynamic speaker and trainer who changes lives. Testimonials from people who have attended Gloria’s seminars: “Gloria uses her exceptional knowledge of real world dating and her unique and exciting style to inspire women to not give up. Truly a wonderful presenter. I would highly recommend anything she does now and in the future.” “This is the information single women and men have been waiting for.” “A truly engaging seminar. You are obviously an expert on the topic. Your knowledge, compassion, sensitivity and forthrightness was spiced with humour to create a clean and practical approach to relationship success.” “Attending your seminar has truly been an inspiration. YOU ARE AN AMAZING TRAINER!”

    What do we do after we become aware of this chemistry?

    So, what I really recommend is that you are aware of those instinctual, gut reactions that are positive or negative but then, you really need to give yourself an opportunity to think about the relationship also. So, instead of buying that house when you are falling down drunk or hopefully, we all are madly in love when we choose to get married, but instead of just judging the book by its cover, make sure you read a good number of the chapters first before you make any decisions.

    So, give yourself an opportunity. We really need to switch the process around. Instead of going with that first initial gut 30 to 60 seconds reaction, that's all well and good, take note of it but then, also think about it. So, don t limit your chances of having a relationship with a wonderful person just because those 30 to 60 seconds went magic and fire-works but also, don t get yourself involved in what could potentially be a disastrous situation by only listening to your gut reaction in those first 30 to 60 seconds. It is all about first, what we recommend is that you switch it around instead of blinking and going with that gut reaction and then thinking, take note of that gut reaction but think first and then, after you have been dating someone for a three, four, five, six months, then you really should know that s when you go with your gut reaction. After you have had an opportunity, get to know the person, understand more what their values are, what's important to them in life, what they cherish, what hobbies and activities they love, what their lifestyle is, after you have got to know that and you have thought through that, then go to your gut, then go to your blink reaction. So, turn it around. Instead of blinking, then thinking, think then blink. Do, you want me to tell a story?

    Okay, an interesting example of this blinking and then thinking versus thinking then blinking was with another woman that I worked with, let us call her Angela. Angela is a very successful, corporate, senior level person and she was looking for a man who is a professional, successful. Again, probably senior level corporate, someone who could understand her world, her busy, busy world with high pressure decisions and lots and lots of meetings.

    So, we introduced Angela to this man who really didn t meet any of her criteria. It just so to happen that he had never worked in the corporate world. In fact, he had a job where he worked shifts and he was at the point in his life where he was only working 48 days a year on this shift job and was probably about five years away from early retirement.

    So, had lots and lots of free time on his hand and really, had never been in those high pressure, high power positions what so ever, but Angela wanted to meet him. So, they met and Angela was totally taken with him. In fact, she phoned me on the way home from the lunch meeting she had with him for the first time and she was ecstatic because she thought he was so good looking and there was instant chemistry and they had such a wonderful conversation and she said, I had to restrain from wanting to take him home with me after lunch. So, you see what was happening was Angela s conscious list of all the things she thought she was looking for, this man didn t match one of them, not one of them in terms of his level of personal finances, what he did for a living, his lifestyle, nothing. But Angela s sub-conscious brain was going, Yes, hot, hot, hot. Now, we have to find out what actually will happen with Angela and this man because the two patterns, the sub-conscious and the conscious are not matching up. So, we will have to see which wins out. Now, you see the interesting thing about Angela s decision making process is that the more important the decision is, the less logical it is and it is not just Angela, it s all of us as human beings.

    You see, Angela s unconscious mind says that there are certain types of men that Angela is interested in, intelligent, successful, professional. So, it creates a pattern and a program around that which says that Angela only dates intelligent, successful, professional men. Then, something that that doesn t match that pattern happens. Angela meets this hot, hot, hot man that isn t those things and then what we do is we start to create an intellectual alibi. We start to create excuses for ourselves which are, Yes, well this man isn t necessarily a professional in a corporate business world, but look at how intelligent he is because what he does for a living really takes a lot of intelligence and planning and this and that and the other thing. Well, maybe he doesn t make as much money as the man I thought I was looking for but frankly, you know what I make a lot of money. I don t need someone who has more money and we create all kinds of alibis. We justify why our unconscious brain which is saying. Hot, hot, hot, doesn t match up with our conscious brain which is saying, I need an intelligent, professional executive. So, it s fascinating how our two brains work against one another and at the end of the day, hopefully, you will end up using both of those to come up with the right decision.