What if my partner doesn’t want to work on our issues?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 15,065
    Relationship expert Chris Wright explains what to do if your partner doesn’t want to work on relationship issues.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: What if my partner does not want to work on our issues?

    Chris Wright: The only reason someone wouldn t want to work on the issues in a relationship is lack of education, education, education, education. If someone has not been trained in these skills, if they were not brought up in this way, then the whole thing could be a little formed to them, make them feel awkward about it. Other people might feel a resistance, because they feel like really the problems in this relationship are because of my partner s issues, they are the ones with the problems, they are the one who need the help. But the reality is that the successful relationship that doesn t depend on whether people have issues. It is how you deal with those issues, how do you deal with those tensions together that s what determine the success and the harmony of the relationship, so coming and then learning those skills together makes all the difference. SO when else my system resistance about coming in because I don t want to go to therapy, well, this is not really like that, I mean this is about education, this is about gaining competency and the skills that make you more effective in your relationship.

    It is expected to people willingly take advanced training in the areas in their career to increase their effectiveness, insure success and maybe not so in the relationships, yet this is the most important relationship in your life. So it becomes really important to preserve that and protect that. So what else I might say I am just not -- I just don t want to I don t want to learn these skills. I would say, Well, what s your alternative? What are you guys going to do when tensions come up, when you get triggered when you get upset, could you just really act them out on to each other? And whatever happens when your needs conflict with each other, do someone have to dominate? Does someone win and someone lose? Maybe couples just start shedding down that there is emotional distance. Maybe they are getting there needs met from their children or from their career. But all that creates pressures in the relationship that is suffering. We all want to be close to somebody in our lives, but to be close to somebody requires that you let your guard down, that you open up your heart. That requires that you learn how to create emotional safety together, emotional safety for keeping your heart open and working through the issues together. So I encourage you to watch this brief video series and see if these insides do not make a difference in your relationship.