Are there common red flags of a potentially bad engagement?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 14,538
    Relationship expert Toni Coleman discusses indicators that a relationship may not be ready for marriage.

    Host: Are there common red flags of a potentially bad engagement?

    Toni Coleman: Are there ever. There are just so many red flags, some of them can have to do with, how well you can communicate with the person in that sort of catch all phrase people use, but it's can we really talk about things together. Are we on the same page, is this someone that I am comfortable being myself with, that I can really share my feelings. Somebody who cares about what I have to say and can listen. Is there a kind of good back and forth with this person?

    If there is, and if they cut me off, if they dismiss some of my feelings. They don't really pay attention to what's important to me, those are all going to be red flags. Is this somebody who is unavailable either emotionally or in some other way. No, is it somebody who says that they want what I want, but their actions and their behavior say something completely differently. Who is sending mix messages in a a lot of different way, those are clearly red flags. Someone who doesn't show that consistency that follow through is something to watch out for. Somebody who expresses one thing about what they want in this relationship and then does a turnaround, all of a sudden they need some time. They need some distance, maybe we should break-up for a while. May be we need to date other people another red flag. This is someone who is not necessary that they are bad person, but they might not be the right person for you at this particular time, because they don't want the same thing that you want. Is this somebody who in any way doesn't reflect your values, perhaps they make a racist statement that just doesn't fit well with you. Perhaps when you are out socially, they are looking around the room and noticing other single people and may be even trying to make some kind eye contact or in some other way connect with these other single people. May be there is a sense that this isn't somebody I can really trust, this isn't somebody I feel really kind of wants to be here with me now, again all red flags. Anything that just feels not right, uncomfortable gives you pause, it's something to reflect on it and think about it. It might be that it's really not a deal breaker. It's not a big deal. It's something you can talk about and work through, but if those moments happen people should stop take notice, think about it and decide, what they can do to sort of either resolve it or put down their list of reasons to end this relationship.