Chris WrightChris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world. He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada. Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas. He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
Host: Do women want to have sex as well?
Chris Wright: I think women would say yes, that they would like to have sexual intercourse with their partner. But maybe for those 80%, I can imagine them saying, But not if it has to come with all these pressures, these expectations, these needs, this having to be a sexual object, this having to having to turn the man on. All this activity overshadows something, that is sublime and even though maybe these women have never had that experience, maybe that is all they know as sex and cuddling. They have not had any experience where there is no pressure, where they get to completely absorb each experience that comes up with their full awareness. So they have this experience of making the spiritual connection, that s more fulfilling. For many, I think it s more intuitive that there is a sense, that there is more there and that is why there is that they prefer just to be cuddled. Maybe it s because also that lovemaking has a lot of the qualities that you associate with cuddling. In lovemaking, as in cuddling, there is no pressures, there is nowhere to go. You start in love and each moment is an expression of that love, there is no direction, there is no goal, there is no focus that has to go somewhere, just like with cuddling. So as result, without those pressures, there is a sense of really being able to fully absorb the experience, their whole awareness is now free to completely be here now with you in the connection, in the innocence of that and that innocence is what moves the whole experience forward, just like in lovemaking where there is not set strategy, that the man has that you go here, you go here, you go here and you do this. It s more completely open, so each time, it s spontaneous and it evolves on its own. So all those qualities tend to make cuddling more meaningful, but cuddling in missing something fundamental.
When you have, when you create sexual union, that is when the biological complete circuitry of the masculine and the feminine energies come together and are unified, that is what creates the power, that is what creates the sense of ecstatic union of these basic life forces come together and when that merges into your awareness, that is deeply fulfilling, deeply enlivening, that is the real sense of a zing to that, masculine and feminine energy coming together and connecting as fundamentally as they do in sexual union. So having that dimension in lovemaking opens up a whole new dimension of sex, that maybe many women have been intuitive but they have not been experiencing. It adds a whole new dimension to the whole intimacy in the relationship; it adds a whole new dimension to the relationship itself, one that is far more fulfilling together, having shared something so vulnerably, so profound, so meaningfully together often.