Allen Salkin: Hi, I am Allen Salkin, author of 'Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us', and today we are going to talk about how to celebrate Festivus. And now we are going to discuss The Airing Of Grievances or the AOG.
There are many ways to air grievances. According to the Seinfeld Orthodoxy one simply tells ones friends, neighbors, loved ones, unloved ones and relatives, in what way there have been disappointments. One can yell these, one can say them with a hiss. You get the picture. Now there are ways as well. I have been to many Festivus parties and some people have posters on the walls with pens attached and people write their grievances.
Sometimes this is better because grievances can be more bitter and nasty when they are written down. At some point in the party one will take the poster off the wall and the host might read them aloud. Now while I don't recommend another method. I have seen people use posters in which people will write their grievances and then affix them to the Festivus pole. Whether or not this violates the rule against no tinsel I am not sure. But again there are really no hard and fast rules about Festivus. So go ahead ruin the holiday for everybody else. Another way to air grievances is to use a refrigerator and a dry erase marker. People can write on the fridge. However make sure that during the wrestling people don't get thrown up against the refrigerator and accidentally erase the grievances. You might also consider buying some shellac or varnish and permanently sealing the grievances on to your refrigerator. This is an especially good idea if you have no class. I would like to take this opportunity to air one of my grievances. My mother's brisket is too wet. I don't like a wet brisket. I like it dry, simple. She doesn't listen. Mother I want a dry brisket. You get the picture. You can grieve about anything you want. Be as nasty as you want. One last thing about the airing of grievances. You might think this is very unholiday like, against the spirit of the wonderful, warm holidays that we grew up with. But seriously have you ever been to a Christmas or a Hanukkah or a Kwanzaa or human life of a day of wonder and celebration or a Thanksgiving dinner table where you did not argue with your family or friends? Whether there wasn't an airing of grievances? No. There is always an airing of grievances. Festivus just acknowledges it. Festivus is honest. Festivus is relentless. It's important to consider that after the airing of grievances the Feats of Strength makes the perfect dispelling of tensions that have grown. In other words the tensions rise during the Airing of Grievances and they are dispelled during the Feats of Strength. Therefore even if you are not going to wrestle it is a good idea to think of some Feat of Strength competition or other way to dispel that tension. Next we are going to talk about the Festivus Feats of Strength.