Festivus – The Feats of Strength

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 32,971
    Allen Salkin, author of ‘Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us’, demonstrates how to celebrate Festivus properly including the feats of strength.

    Allen Salkin: Hi, I am Allen Salkin, author of 'Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us'. Today we are talking about how to celebrate Festivus. And now we are going to talk about the Festivus Feats of Strength also known as the FOS. According to the Seinfeld Orthodoxy the Feats of Strength are supposed to be observed by wrestling and traditionally Festivus does not end until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. Now, wrestling is dangerous. Wrestling can be braced up in your apartment or your home. Wrestling can lead to people being thrown to plate glass windows or fire escapes. Wrestling can cause a torn labrum, a rotator cuff surgery to happen. Wrestling in short is dangerous. Please do it. However, if you don't want to do it many Festivus celebrants have thought of different ways to celebrate the Feats of Strength. Some of the ways that Festivus celebrants have thought to adapt the Feats of Strength to their own muses or through hula-hooping, who aren't dunking for apples, who aren't holding your face for as long as possible in ice water. Other unique ways to celebrate the Feats of Strength include arm wrestling, thumb wrestling and for thumb wrestling you might consider making little costumes for your thumbs, your thumb can be Jesse Ventura or whoever your kids celebrate today as the wrestling champion. You can also engage in horse shoes or washer throwing which is a southern equivalent of horse shoes. Now another unique Feat of Strength is a Miss Festivus contest. Generally you only going to want women to participate in this Festivus contest. The judging criteria according to people who invented this in Illinois is Miss Festivus should have the ability to at least pole a 180 and to clean a carburetor effectively and at the end of the contest she has to make her own Miss Festivus Sash. There she is, Miss Festivus, she really is quite venomous. We know her and a new boyfriend, she is Miss Festivus. People ofter ask me if Festivus is just a fad. If it's based on Seinfeld? It it's going to last? And here is my answer. Festivus was celebrated in ancient Rome, so it is already have been around for 2000 years. Just because the holidays starts on a sitcom doesn't mean that it doesn't appeal to something inside people that they want. They want a holiday that doesn't offend others. They want a holiday that means nothing. They want to be silly during the holiday season. They want a holiday that's cheap. Festivus is perfect. I believe that there is still going to be celebrating Festivus in the 20,000. I hope I am around to see it. So until then have a happily decent Festivus. Well have whatever Festivus you want, that's the thing about Festivus. It doesn't have to be happy. It can be sad, it can be botter, it can be mean. I like it that way. For me Festivus is always happy until I say to you Happy Festivus.