Chris WrightChris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world. He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada. Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas. He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
Host: how can couples increase their pleasure and happiness in a relationship?
Chris Wright: Alright, let s start a journey here by looking to see what would enliven more pleasure, more love in the relationship. Every couple should ask themselves every partner, how happy and fulfilled am I in this relationship, what would make this relationship more fulfilling, what would make this ideal? So, there are two sources of happiness in a relationship. One comes from our compatibility. How our personalities lined up, we appreciate each others personality; we will response at each others personality needs. So, it feels great being together. It feels secure, my hearts open. The second comes from in enlivening those energies. The things that we do that enrich the relationship, the romance, the fun, the affection, the making love. So, if we put that on a relationship road map, so we will take a chart of relationship road map and you see in the left side of a relationship road map, the things are enlivening pleasure in relationship, on the right side are the skills and tools for resolving tension in a relationship. So, we are going to focus on in enlivening pleasure. You will see there is a range of pleasure that goes all away up to bliss. Let s start with the first category the first column dealing with, how nourishing is your relationship, how nourished are you in this relationship, how open are you together? Remember how open you were, when you first got together how connected you felt, your hearts were open. Overtime some couples find that they are not as open with each other, that they don t feel is connected as much, the more open you are the more you delight in each others presence, you enjoy quality time to fill up with each other, you enjoyed shared meaningful activities. As you move up to skill, you look at generating happiness together, how much happiness is in your relationship? Things like romance, how much romance is there? Things having to do with caring behaviors, the ways that you show each other that you care, your appreciations, your acknowledgment, your complements, things you do for each other that would mean a lot to the other person. Gifts and cards, emails and telephone calls, how much do you show that you care to each other, affection and touch, how much affection is there, how much closeness, physical closeness is in the relationship? And then fun, how much fun you are having, what s the range of fun activities that you are sharing? As we move up to scale to bliss, experiences that are extra ordinary that live everlasting memory, special romantic experiences, special events that we have shared together that will never forget, experiences that take us out of ourselves, for some people that would be religious experiences that we share spiritual experiences. For other maybe experiences out in nature, for others it maybe particular areas that we both find deeply meaningful and of course love making together which could deeply enriches the relationship. So, as you look through these range of pleasures, look and see what would make this relationship more fulfilling for you, identify those areas and later we will be look in to see how you can work as a team, to make sure both of you feel fulfilled in this relationship.