Chris WrightChris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world. He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada. Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas. He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
Host:How do Turn On's become a problem?
Chris Wright:Both Turn On's and Turn Off s , they merely take you out of the present, out of the connection with your partner. The source of the energies, whether it be pleasure or uncomfortableness that s coming up, it is coming from your mind, it is coming from your imagination, it is coming from imprinted energies from your past that have been triggered or stimulated and that is what is giving rise to the experience, not from the innocent connection with your partner.
That is why they say that that sex is all in your head, that it is all in your mind, triggering these imprinted energies is a function of being what is in your head and that maybe true what you are looking for is sexual ratification If you are just looking to get turned on and excited, then indeed you can trigger these memories, these association, these imprinted Turn On's and get that excitement. There is a tremendous amount of pleasure, concentrated pleasure that can be associated with these buttons on these feelings get triggered in a person, but that is not love, that is not the love energies we are talking about. You are not triggering these fundamental life forces together; you are triggering images or imprinted energies in your head. After all a person can get that high from any sexual object they are attracted to, they can even get that experience from the Internet and anonymously. So, this is not love, there is nothing precious that is generating pleasure, that is coming up for the person, even though it can feel wonderful, there is still a big difference here.
So, when you are focused in your lovemaking on sexual excitement by trying to get the person turned on by triggering these Turn On's , what you are doing is, that you are setting up and insulated sexual encounter. You are putting the person in touch with these issues that are all these feelings that are all up in their head and are having their own sexual experience within themselves.
It is like two people coming together and so to getting each other off sexually and calling that love, but there is no love there. It is more about sex then it is about lovemaking.