Chris WrightChris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world. He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada. Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas. He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
Host: What would prevent us from having conflicts with each other?
Chris Wright: What would prevent us from having conflicts, is understanding. I mean, if we really understood what was going on, what would there be to fight about, what would there be to argue, it is lack of understanding is what gets it stuck. Imagine that in your relationship, your partner really understand what triggers her that when she is triggered that is different operating system, that she has a set of needs that are different from mine and that hers aren t better than mine or more superior and they are just different so that she doesn t have a sense of needing to make me wrong from mine for not responding to hers. Imagine that she also an awareness that she recognizes where she is over the top, that her needs come from insecurities, from pressures inside of herself that could push her over the top, so she is aware of that that she is no longer righteous about it. So, she is more imbalanced and third let s say she imagine that she realizes that how she communicates her needs, makes it big difference in determining whether those needs are respond to or not. So, she is conscious of that.
And then lastly, let us say that she is aware of that, how important it is that both needs are met, that both needs matters, that she is not lobbing just for her needs, that in every interaction whether is tensions we are trying to focus on meeting both needs and from my side what would prevent conflict. Let say now, that I am not aware of now that I understand her operating system, let us say she is that one, a perfectionist with alined to four needing to feel special and that s really helpful for me to know that because now I understand where she is coming from, what she is needing? So, I can be much more attentive to focusing on filling those needs more proactive, more attuned, more sensitive to making sure her needs are met.
And, secondly now I am more self-aware of the pressures inside my world that are getting in the way, that they are inhibiting me or creating resistance in me to meeting her needs, to raising my bar to her level, so I can be more responsible in owing that and do something about that.
So, now as a result we were both responsive to each others needs we were going through conflict in a way that is healthier, cleaner, more honoring to each other. It makes all the difference I mean it is a huge but understanding being educated in this dynamics can do.