How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 10,527
    Relationship expert Chris Wright explains how to talk about our sensitive issues.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: How do we talk about our sensitive issues together?

    Chris Wright: It is important to discuss, talk about, share about sensitive issues in a way that gets a positive response. As we look again on the road map, on the tension side of road map, we have moved up to scale now, where we want to have a discussion, we want to talk about it and come to a resolution, a solution for this. So there is a number of components here, there are some sharing skills, how do we share about what is coming up in a way that is clean, that is healthy, that is vulnerable. There is listening skills or relating skills, how do we listen in a way that allows us really to get what the person is going through, so that they feel heard.

    Then, there is what I call solution solving skills, how do we solve this, how do we resolve this, how do we create solutions around this? And then once we establish a solution, lastly is, how do we reinforce the solution so this does not happen again, a whole new set of skills to look at. So we are going to first talk about the sharing skills. When we go to talk to someone about an issue, from this orientation, we immediately establish in our mind that there is two different operating systems here, that you are different from me and you have a whole different set of pressures and needs and that explains what shows up than I do.

    So, both are more valid, both are more equally important. Valid in the sense that both are more driven by pressures and if I had those pressures, I would react that way too. So what we are coming to do here now, is we are coming to talk about something that is bothering me and I want to talk about it in a way that allows you to really open up and see what is going on for me, what this really about for me, what is it like for me living with you or being with you around this specific issue? I really want you to get it; I want you to be impacted by it, so that it actually creates change, so that we resolve it, so it does not keep happening.

    Then secondly, I want you to share, I want to discover for you what is really going on for you, what are the pressures that you are confronting inside yourself or out in the world that are keeping you from adjusting your bar to meet this need naturally. So once we discover what these pressures are, then we can see what needs to happen, we can incorporate them into solutions that are much more effective. Also recognize that how will I communicate these needs? Really determines to a larger extent to how well they are responded to. So it s important for me, to learn to share it in a way, that is more heart felt, that makes it safer for you to stay open, so you respond to and experience what I am going through. I also want to share in these vulnerable ways, because it ends up making us feel closer, as a result of having gone through this, more intimate and more connected, as opposed to feeling more distant or feelings have been hurt by the process. The tools that we teach again is about ten elements that we want to be aware of, ten facets of the interaction that we want to gain some skill in. So as the process unfold in a smooth, harmonious way where we become a team working through something together.