How do you distinguish between the normal “wedding jitters” or if you should call it off?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 11,555
    Relationship expert Toni Coleman explains how to tell the difference between pre-wedding stress and genuine concern over your pending marriage.

    Host: How do you distinguish between the normal wedding jitters or if you should call it off?

    Toni Coleman: Another great question, and it's interesting how many couples don't get the answer right. Very often, I mean normal wedding jitters are things like, oh my gosh! This is like forever. This is like Oh! They are more general. Tomorrow, I am going to be married and I am going to be Mrs. so and so or Mr. so and so. Oh my gosh, no more nights out with the guys just whenever I feel like it or no more just thinking about myself, I have to start thinking in the terms of the wig.

    And even though most couples get to that point before marriage and start to have a shared life together. There still is that sense that well, there is a before and there is an after and everything is going to be different, but it's a general sense of I am going to have the same whatever'. When it's something to worry about it's more specific to something that's going on between the two of you or something is happening with that other person, I am really feeling uneasy because of his temper. I am really concerned about the way she spends money or her anger or the fact which she has been struggling with this depression and she has got these issues.

    I am real concerned, because I just don't think he really likes kids very much or he is really good with kids and in generally he is not really great with my friends or he is not really nice to people and doesn't really want to join in or I am really concerned because this person's family is -- there are people that I just don't feel like I can relate to or people I feel are antagonistic toward me or they really don't want me for son-in-law or daughter-in-law I am really worried about the long-term reunifications of that. So it's much more specific to things that are going on and to things that just aren't working in a relationship and too often people try to ride it off to wedding jitters and they try to rationalize it and they think that once I taste wedding cake everything is going to be different. Everything is going -- just feel better and resolve itself, because we will be married then and that will longer be an issue. Well, ironically it's usually much worse after people get married. Whatever that is, it's going to get a whole lot worse because they never dealt with it, some of these things can be dealt with before marriage but to walk into marriage thinking it will fix it and it will go away as I am going too. 1