Chris WrightChris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world. He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada. Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas. He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs. As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace. He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.
Host:If what I want feels so natural in my personality, how I do know where I am over the top?
Chris Wright: We will let you on resources; it is going to be difficult to know when you are on over the top. It showed so naturally to it just makes sense to you; this is the way life is. All you know is that when I am doing X, it makes me feel whole, it makes me feel wonderful. So, how could wholeness be over the top? I mean a two feels wonderful when they feel other people respond to them, and light them and so for a two, the giver, how could giving to other people be over the top? For a three, who feels deep inside that I am nobody and that I need to feel successful to be somebody, in their world, how could being successful be over the top? For the six who does not trust, who needs to tie everything down, a six would say, how can being responsible and tying everything down being over the top?
It seems so natural and that is what creates wholeness that is the sense of wholeness in the person. You just ask their partner, they will tell you it is over the top. When you are not that Enneagram type, it is pretty obvious that the effort in the intensity, the attachment is over the top. So, let us take a moment to discover what would be over the top way, let s go through each of the nine different types, review each of them and see, where there tendency is to go over the top and as we do that. One should have noticed for not only your type and for your wings and for your lines what areas that might be over the top for you and for your partner.
So, we use this sentence phrase that says, their need tends to make them, so I will start with the ones. Their need for perfection tends to make them too perfect, too nitpicky, too obsessed with details in their life. For the two the giver, the need to be light makes them too focused on other peoples need to trying to be helpful not aware of their own needs in any situations. For a three there need to be successful, makes them too focused on their projects all the time, always wanting to make sure all their projects are moving ahead to make them feel important, that they are successful that they somebody, makes them to over the top in their presentation that they need to always look good in front of people.
For fours, the drama, Mr. and Miss. Drama, this emotional sensitivity cause them to be too dramatic, too over the top and being sensitive, needing to always to be different from everybody. Five they need to understand they need to know, makes them too intellectual, too brainy, not in that feeling, not in that contactfulness with others in a heart felt way, not enough to exposer or engagement with people in a way that is contactful. So, they tend to be too much space, too pulled back, too much in their head.
For the sixes, who need to trust, they are too responsible, too anxious, too worried about everything is always going to fall apart and everything has to be tied down, everything has to controlled, everything has to be controlled, everything has to know everything that is going on. For the seven believe it or not they are too happy, this need for happiness is a way of avoiding dealing with reality, dealing with pain, it becomes their problem. It is too optimistic, too idealistic, not grounded, not real. For the eight, the warrior bullheaded eight.
This needs to dominate people or avoid being dominated. This needs to be strong and confront them, put people down or feel powerful, unnecessary over the top and for nine the sense of wanting to stay in touch with this love and harmony and go with the flow in life cause them to be too laid back, too very responsible, too caught up in their own world that kind of numbness instead of proactive and responsible. So, you can see each type tends to have a need that in of itself is a gift, but to the extent they lose touch with that gift, that quality, it creates the pressure that they then tend to over compensate and come on too strong trying to fill that need and they do not realize it, because it creates wholeness when they meet it, creates bliss fulfillment, but they do not see when they are not able to step out of it and see how strongly over the top it is.
So, gaining self-awareness of where were over the top can be very difficult, but it is important to come to grips with, so that you have the sense that you are over the hump about it. You see where it shows up in your personality, you freely own it, so you have a sense of powering the matter rather than being a victim or being effective of it completely