How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 11,077
    Relationship expert Chris Wright explains how the orientation of lovemaking can change the experience.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: How does this orientation of love change the relationship?

    Chris Wright: So, in this orientation, pure lovemaking is more than just about sex, it s more than just about pleasure together. In fact it more fundamentally enriches and nourishes the relationship more than anything that you can do together and the reason for that is because we are dealing really with fundamental life forces that live inside of each of us and we are opening up and tapping into these deeper richer maybe possibly more spiritual forces together that connect us to ourselves and to each other.

    Many couples do not have as much connection as they go through this, thick and thin of their lives and their family that would nourish their souls and the relationship and lovemaking does that on a profound level more so than other thing you remember on the road map that we introduced, the things that are pleasuring, romance in the cards and the compliments and taking out to dinner and the fun activities all those nourish the relationship but here we are dealing with a much more fundamental energy that we are enlivening together, that we are experiencing together that we are sharing in together.

    It is far more intimate, far more profoundly filling on a level of our wellbeing together, sharing in that is a profound experience to have often. We tend to get caught up in our roles and all the challenges and things that consume our time in a relationship and so it becomes important to have a time often, where we can take our guard down, where we can get out of these roles, where we can get out of our head and move in to our hearts together and share that special precious time, unleashing even more fundamental intimate energies embedded in the experience together.

    It is like we are connecting to the same original feelings when we first fell in love that is what these energies are, they are that pure, it is like continually rediscovering the magic that brought us together by connecting to something so intimate to ourselves together and having that experience often so that builds up a sense of nourishment, of having our tanks filled with a sense of intimacy and connectedness and knowingness and closeness that we nuture this together.

    On the road map then the pleasure side starts to fill up so that whenever something happens that triggers tension, there s a lot of resiliency now, there is so much love, there is so much appreciation, we connect so deeply, so often that whatever tensions come up they are absorbed more readily. We can walk them through, talk them through, resolve them now more, when we are on empty and we are not fulfilled on these deeper, more intimate levels then the tensions have a big , a raw effect, stronger more turbulent effect.

    So this can change the whole sense of feeling connected, feeling in the relationship the sense of inloveness that we want to sustain together. Of course, the problem is over time we lose touch with how to sustain these loving feelings, how to make love and so for most couples it is something that they are going to have learn, how to rediscover, particularly for the man, how to attune to these energies, how to track these vulnerable energies rather than trying what he has been cultured to do, which is focus on turn ons and the like. I encourage you to do so, this is one of the most important things that a couple can learn, it is incredible gift to be able to have this ability with your mate, someone you care about to connect such a fundamental level of yourself, such a vulnerable place within yourself to connect together in a way that creates a wholeness, it is like an elixir, a wellness the you all can tap in to often together.

    And so if you are not doing that in your relationship, I encourage you to take advantage of this. This is one of the most important things that you can learn, it can make all the difference in terms of establishing that kind of trust, that kind of closeness, that kind of fulfillment that you always wanted in your relationship and within yourself.