How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 11,296
    Relationship expert Chris Wright explains how the orientation of lovemaking can change the experience.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: How does this orientation of lovemaking change the experience?

    Chris Wright: This experience of lovemaking changes the experience completely, I mean, in this orientation, in pure lovemaking, it takes on a whole different meaning than we have in conventional sex. In sex, the whole focus is again -- it is on trying to get each other turned on, get each other sexually excited. The more sexually excited the better the job that you are doing and lovemaking is a completely different experience, a different orientation, a different meaning. The focus is on coming together to connect, to celebrate, to be intimate, to be close, to connect to these more subtle, more loving energies together to enliven them, to absorb them within each other.

    Basking in these currents, in these force energies together, it takes on a whole different experience. The experience in sex is trying to develop a -- build it up to a peace experience whereas in love making the whole focus is on just delighting in the delicious, refined, heartfelt, rich, meaningful energies together. When you look in America the statistics show that sex in America from the beginning to the end lasts an average of seven minutes from when you start to when it is over seven minutes is what the average is for sex.

    Lovemaking, again a whole different realm here, in lovemaking we are looking to savor each moment by moment, unfoldment of these incredibly rich, pleasurable energies that are flowing, interacting together. There is a sense of being able use our full awareness to absorb the masculine, feminine, mystical connection and take it into the source root, in to the core of our being and feel it fully as that unfolds. It is been incredibly fulfilling experience to have.

    In the experience you could unfold where sometimes it is discovering and creative other times it is passionate, intense, other times it is more exploration or more fun or light, all those energies can come and go. Just to see the nervous system is what directs the whole experience, whatever the nervous systems need together, that is where the experience tends to go, sometimes sublime, sometimes much more passionate but it all goes innocently to what is needed in the experience.

    It can go on for 15 minutes, it can go on for 30 minutes, it can go on for an hour or more and delighting in these energies together. It could go on for just five minutes, just to tap in to these energies could be five minutes of eternity. It is incredible experience to share with. In the experience you start in love, there is no way to get to in seven minutes and so each moment is so complete in love, each moment is the celebration of love, a connection of love, a vulnerability together.

    So every moment is fulfilling, there is never a let down, there is never a drop. Also in this experience of lovemaking, the orgasm tends to be different. In conventional sex the whole focus is to build up to a peak orgasm or climax together which last maybe 15 seconds. In this type of lovemaking, the whole focus shifts to where the orgasm lasts for 15 hours. There s a sense of instead of building up to a peak where at the end you get this major discharge of pleasurable energy, as blissful that can feel. In lovemaking the focus and the approach is completely different.

    It is not about building up to a peak, it is about this energy builds up in the heart and it starts to expand out throughout the whole body, starts to reverberate through about every part of cell. Every cell is reverberating in this incredibly, stimulating, wonderfully, rich, meaningful energy together and this synapses keeps firing for hours thereafter, the sense of sweetness, the sense of connection, the sense of bliss continues to continue and wallop the people like a glow inside.

    So, there is not -- as a result of this, the experience tends to be very fulfilling and men tend out to ejaculate as often in this experience. So as a result, they tend to feel the sense of potency, they tend to feel the sense of strength, they do not discharge and release all their energies where they feel this sense of contraction or a sense of pulling back or a sense emptiness inside. No, it is always a sense of fullness, always a sense of attractiveness towards your partner.

    They could again make love in 15 minutes, an hour, three hours, six hours later always available to connect in closeness and love together not out of need but out of attractiveness, out of innocence, out of enjoying that love connection together. So the experience is just completely a different orientation, a different experience when you are making love and when you are having sex.