What should couples discuss and address before making the decision to marry?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 13,240
    Relationship expert Toni Coleman lists key things for a couple to consider before committing to marriage.

    Host: What should couples discuss and address before making the decision to marry? Toni Coleman: Again, the real basic things are going to have to do with their life vision, which of course encompass lifestyle and goals and where do we -- it can be as simple as where do we want to live and how important is it to both of us to be saving money? Are we going to be looking at, being a two couple, two people earning situation here earning money for the family or just one of the people want to -- the mom or dad, want to be a stay at home parent, or expect the other one to be a stay at home parent and be available to the family. So there are lots of things around the whole lifestyle issue talking about money, talking about how you are going to spend it, how you are going to save it, how you are going to invest it? That's of course an ongoing thing but how well you can do that before you get married and really talk openly about that and make agreements about that. It's going to be an important sign of how good you are communicating, and working together.

    The other things people should be talking about are things like family and children. Very often there is an expectation on the part of one person and the other is it well we are on the same page. I just know we feel the same way, we share the same feelings and then they come to find out after being married for a while that they don't and they are kind of shocked about that. See, I just always thought, I just always assume and that's probably the word that comes up the most when I am working with couples, married couples is that word assumed or assumption. Folks walk into relationships all the time making assumptions and not checking them out. So people should be talking about that what's important to us, where we're going, how we are going to get there? Again, life changes things all the time and it's a constant sort of renegotiating and looking at things as they come up together, but how well you do that ahead of time, very important?