Where do these personality needs come from?

    Published: 06-16-2009
    Views: 13,098
    Relationship expert Chris Wright talks about where personality needs come from.

    Chris Wright

    Chris Wright is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist.  He sees clients in the Washington, D.C. area and has telephone clients from all over the world.  He also has over 35 years of experience as a trainer and workshop leader in human and organizational development across the U.S. and Canada.   Chris was founder and director of the Human Relations Institute in Houston, Texas.  He was also the Director of PAIRS International -- training psychologists, psychiatrists and therapists in couple’s skills programs.     As an innovator in the field, he has developed a unique blend of tools that increase the effectiveness in relationships -- for couples and in the workplace.  He has Masters Degrees from the University of Arizona and Antioch University in Los Angeles.

    Host: Where do these personality needs come from? Chris Wright: So, let us look at these needs here. These needs come from deep inside ourselves; they are different from just preferences. With preferences, if you got a preference met it is okay, but when a core need is not met it generates a lot of tension inside you, it aggravates you, it could hurt your feelings, it could make you feel insecure. So, the reason for that is that, needs were connected to empty places inside myself who I am not meeting that need within myself, there is void there, it is not peaceful, it is a sense of insecurity around that need and that s what creates a pressure in my personality to fill that emptiness and that is why it becomes a need. The personality designed is -- to driven to try to fill the places inside myself and I am not meeting that need within myself and I depend on the environment to fill that need.

    When the needs responded to by the world or by my partner, it makes me feel secure, it fills me up, my whole bean opens up, my heart opens up, it makes me feel great inside. When the needs do not met I contract inside, I feel tension, I feel confused, it makes me feel upset. So, in a relationship it is important to identify what these core needs are in each of us, so that we can attune to those needs in this relationship, these personality needs and avoid triggering them, because they are the basis of all the conflicts that we experience in our relationship.